Ben Gibbard and Zooey Deschanel’s breakup to me is similar to, say, if Will and Kate were to break up. In my mind, Ben and Zooey are indie royalty. I’ve had a crush on Ben since the Transatlanticism days. Like any other dutifully angsty college sophomore, I listened to that album over and over and over while pondering why glove compartments were so inaccurately named. As a senior, I had Plans on repeat. I, too, had a Greyhound station in my head where I sent my thoughts to faroff destinations. Then as more albums came out, and Gibbard went all Kerouac followed by growing happier and more popular and got the girl, I could no longer identify with him.

And now, with this breakup, I can’t help but think - he’s single again! I mean, bummer that he’s probably sad (or relieved to be rid of the holy adorkable one?), but maybe he’ll write sad music again. And, I have 0.1% of a chance with him instead of -0.01% of a chance when he was with Deschanel.

Although, unfortunately, I just can’t go to Death Cab concerts these days. Last time I went, the crowd at Austin Music Hall was full of screaming hipster teenyboppers who weren’t even alive when the band was formed. I did, however, enjoy Ben Gibbard and Jay Farrar’s show at Antone’s a while back.

I’ve realized time after time that there are very few circumstances when a guy can remain in your life as a guy friend if you’re a single girl.  I’m not talking about acquaintances.  I’m talking about real friends who you can call and go to happy hour with after a bad day at work.  The aforementioned circumstances include the following:

• If he’s related to you.
• If he’s married to/in a relationship with one of your friends (even this is tricky).
• If he works with you.
• If he’s gay.
• If he’s never dated any of your friends.
• If he has no desire to sleep with you or any of your friends, and vice versa (this is rare).

When circumstances don’t follow any of the above criteria, I’ve found time after time that guy friends simply disappear.  They get into relationships with girls you don’t know and vanish.  They date your friends and break up, then disappear.  There’s a reason why none of the Sex & the City girls ever had straight, single guy friends who stuck around - I mean, Skipper disappeared after he dated Miranda.  I just don’t think guy friends exist.  Well, rarely do they exist.  I’ve driven guys away from my core group of five girl friends.  So has everyone else.  It’s just life.

Yep, that’s a picture I took of James Franco with Elvis Mitchell and Val Lauren. 

Eight days of film premieres and screenings were amazing, and I met tons of people.  Here are a few tips I learned for those who might want to meet a guy at a film festival.

• Don’t show up for a stoner movie hyped up on caffeine and talking a mile a minute to stoners in line.  Yep.  I got into quite the habit of stopping for a triple espresso before joining the badge line for screenings.  Probably not the best thing to do before watching Austin High, which is supposed to be the next Dazed & Confused.  I think I drove the poor guy in front of me nuts. 
• Choose your movies wisely.  It’s common sense, but there are going to be far more girls in line for anything that involves live appearances by James Franco or Johnny Depp.
• Just talk.  Ask the guy in line in front of you about the comic book he’s reading.  Ask the guy in line behind you what his favorite film has been.  There’s an easy in to talking since you have this festival in common.  Everyone I met was really friendly, and I even got some party invites by meeting producers and directors in line.

Man, it’s back to mundane life for me.  No more red carpets.  No more celebrities.  I have to wait until SXSW in March.  If I get bored enough, I might have to reactivate my OkCupid account. 

It’s wonderful, but it’s so big that I don’t know what to do with it! 

That’s what she said?

I once very briefly (about three months) and very casually dated this guy who claimed he didn’t want a serious relationship until he was in his thirties. Being the stupid girl that I was, I didn’t believe him. Thought I could change that. Of course, I was dead wrong.

He had an interesting reason, though. He stated that people change too much in their twenties. That guy you marry when you’re 20 may no longer be the same person you fell in love with when he’s 30.

Being the possibly naive romantic that I am, I argued that part of life is about meeting people you can grow with. But then again, I’ve had more transformations than Madonna.

Sure, I could have been like some of my high school classmates - married with several kids by the age of 24, and still living in the same small town. I’m not sure how much has changed for them. I’ve had ten addresses and have traveled on four continents since 2002. I’m not saying that either lifestyle is better, but would I have been happy settling down so young?

I definitely don’t think I’m the same person I was five years ago, some parts for the better, and some parts for the worse. I do wonder if a single guy could have loved me through ten years of extraordinary, youthful transformations, though. Would I have been so willing to learn and explore as much? Would a bell jar have been placed over me, limiting opportunities? These are answers I’ll never know.

It’s interesting to think about. How many movies are out there showing couples who grew apart, and the person sleeping next to you is mentally and emotionally no longer the person you married? How many real life examples do you have of such cases? Does age make a difference at all?

I’d never been to a movie by myself until this film festival. Now I’ve been to quite a few. However, while standing in line alone, sometimes talking to people in line around me and sometimes not, I realized that I’m really fine with being single. I’d always been kind of a late bloomer, preferring my world of books over dates. And now, I find myself at places I never imagined myself being - right in the middle of big film, music, and technology events in a city famous for all three industries. Life is exciting if you let it.

My twenties so far has been so focused on finding myself, getting to where I want to be, doing what I want to do. My life now is drastically different than it was even two years ago. I’m not sure I would have had the opportunities I’ve had if I had been in relationships. With past dating history as a prediction, I would never have chased crazy dreams and seeked opportunities that would launch me into the world of indie musicians and filmmakers. As of now, I have all the freedom and free time in the world to chase Chuck Palahniuk, James Franco, and Johnny Depp all around town. Attend an artsy film depicting the last day of Sal Mineo’s life followed by the premiere of the new Beavis & Butt-Head episodes (rest assured that it’s every bit as irreverent, idiotic, and hilarious as it was in 1995, except now they mock Jersey Shore and internet memes). In fact, since I received a mask at the premiere, I’m tempted to be Butt-Head for Halloween. No, not a sexy Butt-Head. And we wonder why I’m single…

I haven’t had a single date since I quit OkCupid, and I’m fine with that.

Guys at Film Festivals

Things I’ve acquired from guys at bars this year. Sombrero, pub crawl, March 2011. Inflatable Chuck Palahniuk brain, lit crawl, October 2011.

Geez, I’m getting a lot of new followers.  Thanks for following! 

So, this weekend will be crazy.  There are three festivals going on in town - Austin Film Festival, Texas Book Festival, and Gypsy Picnic Trailer Food Festival.  I will be attending the first two, hopefully meeting awesome people like James Franco, Chuck Palahniuk, Alton Brown, and Mike Judge.  I’ll keep my fingers crossed for some good stories regarding a failed attempt at hitting on a celebrity (like I did with Jim from The Office) or just observations on the Austin male population.  I can only hope it’ll be half as fun as people watching at SXSW.  But, my film festival pass has been purchased, and I’m so ready for it to start!

This video makes me want to date a snobby, Ralph Lauren-wearing, Ivy League grad. 

I’d break out the pearl necklace my parents bought me for my 17th birthday and the Lacoste polo shirt I haven’t worn since my college sorority days.  We would float around on Lake Austin before pulling up to one of those lake-front restaurants with docks for boats.  We would attend clam bakes and polo matches.  Visit my family on the East Coast (many of them actually do live in Boston and Providence).  Look like we just stepped out of an LL Bean catalog. 

Trade my life of vintage dresses, $1.50 Lonestar beer at East Austin dive bars, and dates with hippie stoners from OkCupid for that? 

That’s like choosing between Logan Huntzberger and Jess Mariano. 

I do tend to favor extremes. I studied business and sociology in college, so I learned about derivatives with the future 1% while reading Karl Marx’s work with the 99%.

But anyway, that video and song are beautiful.